I guess part of doing a blog is being honest. I hope to teach Tyler that quality some day, so I guess I better practice it myself. It has been a rough week. Tyler has been crying a lot. He doesn't seem satisfied when he eats his last meal of the day. He will cry for like 2 hours in the middle of the night. I have had a sinus infection. I know parenting isn't supposed to be easy and almost nothing about parenting has been easy so far. I am definitely learning to let go of many of the freedoms I had before being a mom. I guess I just had no idea that I was going to be questioning myself and how I am doing as a parent so often.I feel like it is guessing game all the time, trying to figure out what in the world is going on with him and what I am supposed to do about it. When is he supposed to sleep, supposed to eat, supposed to be teething, supposed to be awake. Where should he sleep, should I stay home or go out with him? Should I eat this? Did something I eat cause him pain? Everyone has a different opinion and different experience to share. It is really tiring.
I guess in a way that is beautiful because it shows how we are all created differently, but it is so confusing to me. It is like a big puzzle with missing pieces and different piece thrown in the box and you have to figure it out and figure out which pieces are missing and which ones don't belong. It is frustrating. I don't feel encouraged right now...I feel like I am so alone because I have had to neglect friendships. I can't even carry on a conversation with people that come over to visit. I feel distracted and like a terrible listener. I apologize to anyone that I have neglected. I think this will pass and I will be more alert and a better friend.
Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who would do anything for me and loves me no matter what I do. He is awesome!
The funny thing is that I would do this again. To look at Tyler and see what a cute little guy he is and to think that God created him is just awesome. He is such a little miracle and I would never trade him for anything. Through all the trails and hard times God has given me strength and I know He will comfort me. Afterall, I can not imagine sacrificing my son like god did with Jesus. The least I can do is sacrifice myself, my ideals, my sleep, my plans for the sake of my son.
In the end, I have a healthy baby boy. We had a doctors appointment yesterday and he is 26 inches long now. He weighs 13 lbs. 12 ounces. She said he may start teething soon. I think he has started or he has been going through a growth spurt.
Please pray for us as we try to figure this out! Thanks.
4 comments:
Shelb-
Though I am not a parent myself, I can assure you that you are not alone! It is true that almost anyone can be a parent, but I believe it takes the diligence and love you and DK have to be GREAT parents:) You are doing a fantastic job and I am always encouraged by hearing your positive outlook on being a parent. Love you both so much!
Shelby,
At least I know Jamie and I don't feel neglected...we are excited to see you and to spend time with you whenever you are available. If you ever need any help, feel free to let us know!
You are doing a fantastic job as a parent!
Tim
Shelby,
Being a first time mommy is rough...I think everything you said was almost exactly how I felt the first time around too! Everything is new and you feel like you have no idea what you're doing.
But since I happen to be a parenting expert ;) with three incredible kids :) I just want to tell you that you are doing a great job!
Becky Teal
...and by the way I've been secretly jealous of your precious natural birth story. I so wanted that for myself (my mom had 4 natural births) However I've had 3 C-sec due to my breech babies.
Shelbster,
Girl you are SOO not alone. I know we don't see eachother often let alone talk or email but I am praying and thinking of you and the fam. I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling as I was SOO there too with Micah. Now with AIden at one who is SO much more independent than Micah ever was, I've gained more confidence in my self through raising Aiden. It's been an easier road with him, but there have been those moments, but I've endured.
You're a pretty strong headed woman and I'm sure you're a great mommy at least from what I've seen YOU ARE. It's your first one and it's normal to feel the way you do, but hold on to JESUS and know that you have a wonderful HUSBAND, FAMILY, and FRIENDS who support you. Some days are great, some days are hard, some days you want to cry and scream, some days you want to savor every minute. Whatevr day it may be, you are still a great mommy.
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